The Artist's Way – Julia Cameron

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
Date read: 9/5/23. Recommendation: 9/10.

The definitive guide to discovering and developing your creative self. Cameron takes a true self-help approach with journaling invitations, activities, and exercises that help guide readers to tap back into their creative souls. And the invitations are actually helpful—this is coming from someone who ignores 90% of prompts in books. But these held real value. The new-age, recovery-style 12-step program likely alienates some readers, but if you’re willing to look past that there’s a lot to love about this book. And the message of channeling ourselves into more meaningful work is one we can never hear too many times.

Check out my notes below or Amazon for details and reviews.

My Notes:

Questioning previously held beliefs:
“Nothing dies harder than bad idea. And few ideas are worse than the ones we have about art.” Julia Cameron

“As you learn to recognize, nurture, and protect your inner artist, you will be able to move beyond pain and creative construction.” Julia Cameron

Creativity:
“What we play is life.” Louis Armstrong

“If you want to work on your art, work on your life.” Chekhov

“The function of the creative artist consists of making laws, not in following laws already made.” Ferruccio Busoni

Relaxed concentration:
“A mind too active is no mind at all.” Theodore Roosevelt

“I will tell you what I have learned myself. For me, a long five or six mile walk helps. And one must go alone and every day.” Brenda Ueland

It takes time:
“Nobody sees a flower—really—it is so small it takes time—we haven’t time—and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time.” Georgia O’Keeffe

“The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” Henry David Thoreau

“We learn by going / Where we have to go.” Theodore Roethke

Focus on your story:
“You need to claim the events of your life to make yourself yours.” Anne-Wilson Schaef

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

“It always comes back to the same necessity: go deep enough and there is a bedrock of truth, however hard.” May Sarton

“To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive.” Robert Louis Stevenson

“No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made. Destiny is made known silently.” Agnes De Mille

“Be really whole

And all things will come to you.” Lao-Tzu

Risks:
“The universe will reward you for taking risks on its behalf.” Shakti Gawain

“Chance is always powerful. Let your hook always be cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish.” Ovid

“Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace, and power in it.” Goethe

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” Margaret Young

“There is the risk you cannot afford to take, and there is the risk you cannot afford not to take.” Peter Drucker

“Man can learn nothing except by going from the known to the unknown.” Claude Bernard

“One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” André Gide

Atlas of the Heart – Brené Brown

Atlas of the Heart – by Brené Brown
Date read: 8/14/22. Recommendation: 9/10.

I dearly needed to read this book when I did. I’ve been struggling to truly understand the nuance between different emotions and experiences and working to hone my own empathy so I’m able to show up in a more helpful way for the people in my life. Brené delivers the perfect book for making sense of our feelings and experiences. she emphasizes the impact of language—it’s not just to communicate emotion, it also shapes what we’re feeling. She digs into 150 human emotions and experiences throughout the book, detailing each. To wrap up the book, she spends time exploring the concept of ‘near enemies’ which I found incredibly helpful. As Brené explains, on the surface, the near enemies of emotions or experiences might look and even feel like connection, but ultimately they drive us to be disconnected from ourselves and from each other.

See my notes below or Amazon for details and reviews.

My Notes:

The power of language:
“Language does more than just communicate emotion, it can actually shape what we’re feeling. Our understanding of our own and others’ emotions is shaped by how we perceive, categorize, and describe emotional experiences.” BB

Making sense of our feelings and experience:
“Just like a map, the interaction between the layers of our emotions and experiences tells our story. But rather than elevation and roads and water, human emotions and experiences are layers of biology, biography, behavior, and backstory.” BB

1. Understand how they show up in our bodies and why (biology)

2. Get curious about how our families and communities shape our beliefs about the connection between our feelings, thoughts, and behavior (biography)

3. Examine our go-to (behaviors)

4. Recognize the context of what we’re feeling or thinking. What brought this on? (backstory)

Stressed and overwhelmed:
“Feeling stressed and overwhelmed seem to be related to our perception of how we are coping with our current situation and our ability to handle the accompanying emotions: Am I coping? Can I handle this? Am I inching towards quicksand?” BB

Not a setup for successful decision-making: “I’m feeling my emotions at about 10, I’m paying attention to them at about 5, and I understand them at about 2.”

Admiration and reverence:
“Admiration fosters self-betterment, reverence seems to foster a desire for connection to what we revere—we want to move closer to that thing or person.” BB

Resentment:
“Resentment is the feeling of frustration, judgment, anger…It’s an emotion that we often experience when we fail to set boundaries or ask for what we need, or when expectations let us down because they were based on things we can’t control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they’re going to react.” BB

“Now when I start to feel resentful, instead of thinking, What is that person doing wrong? or What should they be doing? I think, What do I need but am afraid to ask for?” BB

Freudenfreude:
The enjoyment of another’s success.

“Shoy: intentionally sharing in the joy of someone relating a success story by showing interest and asking follow-up questions.” BB

“Bragitude: intentionally tying words of gratitude toward the listener following the discussion of personal success.” BB

Expressing gratitude when others share joy: “Thank you for celebrating this with me. It means so much that you’re happy for me.” BB

Unexamined expectations:
As Brené and her husband were raising their children, they would often find weekends where the other person was out of town were easier, despite having to manage all the kids solo. When they were both parenting together on weekends they would often feel like the other wasn’t unhelpful and didn’t make it easier. What they realized is that when they were solo parenting, they let go of all expectations to get their own stuff done. They each gave up their to-do list and just rolled with the chaos. Now before weekends, vacations, or busy workweeks, they talk about expectations and ask each other, “What do you want this weekend to look like?” Brené might say, “This is going to be a busy weekend. I’m down for whatever we need to do, but I would like to swim at least one day.” 

Awe and wonder:
“Wonder inspires the wish to understand; awe inspires the wish to let shine, to acknowledge and to unite.” Ulrich Weger and Johannes Wagemann

“Wonder fuels our passion for exploration and learning, for curiosity and adventure.” BB

Hope:
“Hope is learned…To learn hopefulness, children need relationships that are characterized by boundaries, consistency, and support. Children with a high level of hopefulness have experience with adversity. They’ve been given the opportunity to struggle, and in doing that they learn how to believe in themselves and their abilities.” BB

“Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.”

Empathy:
“Empathy, the most powerful tool of compassion, is an emotional skill set that allows us to understand what someone is experiencing and to reflect back that understanding.” BB

“Cognitive empathy, sometimes called perspective taking or mentalizing, is the ability to recognize and understand another person’s emotions…If someone is feeling lonely, empathy doesn’t require us to feel lonely too, only to reach back into our own experience with loneliness so we can understand and connect.” BB

“We can respond empathetically only if we are willing to be present to someone’s pain.” BB

Empathy is not walking in someone else’s shoes. It’s about learning how to listen to the story you tell about what it’s like in your shoes and believe you even when it doesn’t match my experience. 

“Empathy is not relating to an experience, it’s connecting to what someone is feeling about an experience.” BB

Theresa Wiseman’s attributes of empathy:

1. Perspective taking: What does that concept mean for you? What is that experience like for you?

2. Staying out of judgment: Just listen, don’t put value on it.

3. Recognizing emotion: How can I touch within myself something that helps me identify and connect with what the other person might be feeling. Check in and clarify what you are hearing. Ask questions.

4. Communicating our understanding about the emotion: Sometimes this is elaborate and detailed, and sometimes this is simply, “Shit. That’s hard. I get that.”

5. Practicing mindfulness: This is not pushing away emotion because it’s uncomfortable, but feeling it and moving through it.

“The antidote to shame is empathy…Shame needs you to believe that you’re alone. Empathy is a hostile environment for shame.” BB

Be the learner, not the knower.

Sympathy:
“Sympathy is removed: When someone says, ‘I feel sorry for you’ or ‘That must be terrible,’ they are standing at a safe distance. Rather than conveying the powerful ‘me too’ of empathy, it communicates ‘not me,’ then adds, ‘But I do feel sorry for you.’” BB

Perfectionism:
“Shame is the birthplace of perfectionism. Perfectionism is not striving to be our best or working toward excellence. Healthy striving is internally driven. Perfectionism is externally driven by a simple but potentially all-consuming question: What will people think?” BB

“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, live perfectly, work perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” BB

Humiliation:
“Never allow anyone to be humiliated in your presence.” Elie Wiesel

Belonging:
“We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others. Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.” BB

Love:
“Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can be cultivated between two people only when it exists within each one of them—we can love others only as much as love ourselves.” BB

“We need more real love. Gritty, dangerous, wild-eyed, justice-seeking love.” BB

Trust:
BRAVING tool
Boundaries: You respect my boundaries, and when you’re not clear about what’s okay and not okay, you ask. You’re willing to say no. 

Reliability: You do what you say you’ll do.

Accountability: You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.

Vault: You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share.

Integrity: You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy.

Nonjudgment: I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need.

Generosity: You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others.

Gratitude:
“Gratitude allows us to participate more in life. We notice the positives more, and that magnifies the pleasures you get from life. Instead of adapting to goodness, we celebrate goodness. We spend so much time watching things—movies, computer screens, sports—but with gratitude we become greater participants in our lives as opposed to spectators.” Robert Emmons

Self-righteousness:
The conviction that one’s beliefs and behaviors are the most correct. Leads to inflexibility, intolerance to ambiguity, and less consideration of others’ opinions. 

Mostly, self-righteousness is a sense of moral superiority and trying to convince ourselves and others that we’re doing the right thing. Shows up as performative moral outrage on social media.

Near enemies:
“Near enemies are states that appear similar to the desired quality but actually undermine it. Far enemies are the opposite of what we’re trying to achieve. For example, a near enemy of loving-kindness is sentimentality—similar but different. A far enemy of loving-kindness is ill will—the opposite of loving-kindness. Similarly, a near enemy of compassion is pity and a far enemy is cruelty.” Chris Gerner

“On the surface, the near enemies of emotions or experiences might look and even feel like connection, but ultimately they drive us to be disconnected from ourselves and from each other. Without awareness, near enemies become the practices that fuel separation…” BB

“The near enemy of love is attachment. Attachment masquerades as love. It says, ‘I will love this person (because I need something from them).’ Or, ‘I’ll love you if you’ll love me back. I’ll love you, but only if you will be the way I want.’ True love allows, honors, and appreciates; attachment grasps, demands, needs, and aim to possess.” Jack Kornfield

“It’s the near enemies of connection—the imposters than can look and feel like cultivating closeness—that sabotage relationships and leave us feeling alone and in pain.” BB

The Conquest of Happiness – Bertrand Russell

The Conquest of Happiness – by Bertrand Russell
Date read: 2/23/20. Recommendation: 8/10.

An accessible introduction to the work and philosophy of Bertrand Russell. In many ways, The Conquest of Happiness is a predecessor to the self-improvement genre that exists today. The book is broken down into two main sections, causes of unhappiness and causes of happiness. I got the most out of the second section as he discusses finding in harmony the stream of life and developing a zest for life. As Russell suggests, “The secret to happiness is this: let your interests be as wide as possible, and let your reactions to the thing and persons that interest you be as far as possible friendly rather than hostile.”

See my notes below or Amazon for details and reviews.

My Notes:

Teach and be taught, rather than judge and be judged mindset:
“The secret to happiness is this: let your interests be as wide as possible, and let your reactions to the thing and persons that interest you be as far as possible friendly rather than hostile.”

Expand your interests:
“The more things a man is interested in, the more opportunities of happiness he has and the less he is at the mercy of fate, since if he loses one thing he call fall back upon another.”

Alex note: Every year that passes, life should be more enjoyable. You discover more of the things you love and are able to recognize more things that you don’t. 

Alex note: With age, there’s a diminishing preoccupation with yourself. Take yourself less seriously, get out of your own head, avoid tricking yourself into believing that you are the center of the universe, and you will be happier. 

“But the monk will not be happy until the routine of the monastery has made him forget his soul.”

Zest:
“The man who has the zest for life has the advantage over the man who has none. Even unpleasant experiences have their uses to him.”

The adventurous enjoy even the unpleasant experiences…”It gives them pleasure to have their knowledge of the world increased by this new item.”

The Stream of Life:
“To be happy in this world, especially when youth is past, it is necessary to feel oneself not merely an isolated individual whose day will soon be over, but part of the stream of life flowing on from the first germ to the remote and unknown future.” 

“The happy man feels himself a citizen of the universe, enjoying freely the spectacle that it offers and the joys that it affords, untroubled by the thought of death because he feels himself not really separate from those who will come after him. It is in such profound instinctive union with the stream of life that the greatest joy is to be found.” 

Alex note: Life is motion. The goal is to remain in harmony with that motion as best you’re able to.

“Success can only be one ingredient in happiness, and is too dearly purchased if all the other ingredients have been sacrificed to obtain it.”

Work:
“Even the dullest work is to most people less painful than idleness.”

“We are less bored than our ancestors were, but we are more afraid of boredom.”

Unhappiness:
“I believe this unhappiness to be very largely due to mistaken views of the world, mistaken ethics, mistaken habits of life, leading to destruction of that natural zest and appetite for possible things upon which all happiness, whether of men or animals, ultimately depends.” 

Grit – Angela Duckworth

Grit – by Angela Duckworth
Date read: 10/30/18. Recommendation: 8/10.

A detailed look at what sets apart highly successful people. Top performers, as Duckworth suggests, are unusually resilient and hardworking. But they’ve also developed something else–a deep awareness of what they want. Grit is this combination of direction and determination. She discusses the importance of effort, deliberate practice, purpose, and stamina over intensity. The best thing about the book and her writing is that she makes it real. It’s not about a magical experience that leads you to your passion, purpose, or life’s work. Instead, she emphasizes that this comes through a discovery period–often messy, serendipitous, and inefficient–followed by years of refinement, and a lifetime of deepening. It’s not going to happen overnight. You have to figure out what you’re working towards and what you can sustain indefinitely.

See my notes below or Amazon for details and reviews.

My Notes:

Grit = Direction and determination
-Highly successful people are unusually resilient and hardworking, AND know in a deep way what they want.
-Grit corresponds with well-being, no matter how you measure it.

Effort:
-An ability to suffer (effort) proves far more important than talent. It factors in twice.

-Talent x Effort = Skill, Skill x Effort = Achievement

-When you quit showing up, effort plummets to zero, skills stop improving. 

Darwin and Grit:
-“For I have always maintained that, excepting fools, men did not differ much in intellect, only in zeal and hard work; and I still think this is an eminently important difference.” Darwin

-Darwin didn’t possess supernatural intelligence or genius. He made slow, meticulous progress through his power of observation and attention to detail. Forced himself to ponder difficult questions and ideas for years, instead of giving up or tabling it for later and forgetting.

Power of small, calculated actions, decisions, habits:
-“The most dazzling of human achievements are, in fact, the aggregate of countless individual elements, each of which is, in a sense, ordinary.” -AD

-“Superlative performance is really a confluence of dozens of small skills or activities…There is nothing extraordinary or superhuman in any one of those actions; only the fact that they are done consistently and correctly, and all together, produce excellence.” Dan Chambliss

-“Greatness is doable. Greatness is many, many individual feats, and each of them is doable.” Dan Chambliss

Prefer mystery to mundanity:
-We want to believe people are prodigies, we don’t want to sit on the pool deck and watch Mark Spitz progress from amateur to expert.

-“No one can see in the work of the artist how it has become.” Nietzsche

Stamina > Intensity:
-“Developing real expertise, figuring out really hard problems, it all takes time–longer than most people imagine.” AD

-“Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.” AD

-What can you sustain indefinitely? Have to hold the same top-level goal for years. 
*Make sure mid-level goals correspond to unifying top-level goal.

Passion as a compass:
-Think of these ideas as interchangeable with authenticity

-Takes time to get right, constantly adjust, realign, recalibrate. Takes you on wandering journey to where you want to be. The obstacle is the way. 

-“Passion for your work is a little bit discovery, followed by a lot of development, and then a lifetime of deepening.” AD

Discovering your interests:
-Not through introspection but interactions with outside world. Can be messy, serendipitous, and inefficient. 

-Early interests can be fragile, vague, and need years of refinement.

Deliberate Practice:
-Clearly defined stretch goal, full concentration and effort, immediate feedback, repetition with reflection and refinement

-Supremely effortful, working at the far edge of your skills. Only sustainable for an hour at a time.

-Deliberate practice is a behavior, flow is an experience. Don’t always go together.

-Deliberate practice is for preparation, and flow is for performance. 

-Self-awareness without judgment. 

Purpose:
-Higher scores on purpose (importance of living a meaningful life) correlates with higher scores on grit scale.

-But purpose isn’t a magical entity waiting to be discovered, requires years of dedication and exploration.

-AD: Someone who had inkling of her interests in adolescence. Clarity about purpose in twenties. Experience and expertise to find and calibrate with single top-level, life-organizing goal.

Leadership:
-Jamie Dimon (JPMorgan Chase), looks for three things on leadership team: capability, character, and how they treat people.

Writing:
-"Writing is failure. Over and over and over again.” Ta-Nehisi Coates

-Challenge of writing is to see your bad writing and go to bed. Wake up, refine it, make it not so terrible, go to bed. And do this on repeat until you have something decent.